oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
