No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
