i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My ass is underappreciated
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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