I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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