Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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