I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize