how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
