$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
