Just fell off a train. Bad.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
