just tell him i said nine months
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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