you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
