I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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