how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
