ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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