Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
