Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
