Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
