My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
