im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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