i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
