My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
