I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
