good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
