I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
