I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
