All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
