I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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