worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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