i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
