I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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