Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
