life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
