Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
