You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
