How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
