dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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