I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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