I didn't shave. On purpose
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
