just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
