Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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