ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
