I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize