No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
