dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When are your genitals available?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
