is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
