Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
