I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
