The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
