with your own penis?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
