wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
