I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
