Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
