1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think my moral compass just broke
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
