I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
