ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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