Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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