She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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