i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
