That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
