i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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