I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
