can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
