she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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