I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my sisters under your porch take her home
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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