You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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