i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
