I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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