wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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