I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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