last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
