How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize