just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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