The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
