What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
