I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
