tonight lets celebrate not being married
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
