Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
