i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
