There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
