I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
