4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
