I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
