So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
