Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
