So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
