I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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