I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
