Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
