"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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