I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
