Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
