I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
