just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
