did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
