Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
