OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
either way he was missing a nipple.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
