You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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