Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize