if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
