WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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