so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
