I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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