He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
