I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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