I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
