Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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