I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize