worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
