my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
